Sooo…some general life updates! And just. Me rambling to get my head emptied.

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I don’t even know what to say to really accurately portray how grateful I am to all the people who helped donate or spread word for Arnold’s situation. My drive home from work last Friday night was with the knowledge that my dog would need super-expensive surgery, that I wouldn’t be able to afford without a very eternal and never-ending form of debt when I already have my own impending, potential health bumps in the road, and prescriptions, bills, and all those other parts of being an adult that just suck.

It may only be a sensation that lasts until I’m driving out to deal with being retail’s bitch again, tomorrow, but I feel more relieved and calm tonight than I have in ages.

Thank you, everyone who helped or even just well-wished.

I was having a series of really terrible bad dreams last night…but I guess that’s anxiety for you.

I bought this Valentine Seasonal bamboo that was shaped like a heart because it was on sale and it was a cute plant and no one was buying them. I expected to water it maybe a month afterwards and that it would kind of maybe just…die??? I am not good with plants. And this was just two sticks of bamboo that were in pebbles and water and I haven’t given them anything but fresh water once a month. No plant food or. Anything like that.

So - and here’s the thing.

It’s sprouted new growth. It doesn’t at all look sick or yellow. I can no longer REMOVE the plant from the pebbles because it’s sprouted a bunch of hair-like roots that I don’t want to rip out and kill the plant with doing.

But I really feel like I have this strange responsibility towards trying to maybe re-pot it to something roomier, because it will only grow taller and completely off-set the balance of the original plant base. The roots even have a reddish tint, which is apparently healthy?

This is kind of what I mean by distracting myself when I am stressed. There are probably five things at LEAST that rank much higher in importance. But I keep seeing this plant on my desk and I am terrified of doing something wrong to it, because it kind of literally only has me to do things for it.

Okay, cat, to be fair that sandwich sat in a refrigerator for over 48 hours and is no longer that good.

I am officially burnt out on Turkey/Cranberry/Swiss. Back to Ham/turkey/mustard/pickle again, for me! Or. Just a break from sandwich maybe. IDK.

I would just like to end the day on a note of “internal fangirl screaming so I don’t wake up anyone” because they are THINKING OF MAKING A THIEF OF ALWAYS MOVIE AND CLIVE BARKER IS ON BOARD AND THAT MAKES ME SO HAPPY AND EAGER. Maybe I will reread that, soon!

I am kind of quietly overwhelmed - and it may be kind of hard to tell because even though I am a fairly typical anxiety sufferer (I keep kind of harping on and on about how much I really loved Iron Man 3 because while I don’t have PTSD? the aspects of him that reflected anxiety attacks and nervousness was relate-able. My first major attack was dead-on similar to the one that makes Tony leave the restaurant, I thought it was a heart attack or something)? I think I respond to stress by escapism.

The turn-out of people helping me save my dog has most definitely overwhelmed me into silence, in combination with the NEGATIVE stress of having to see him suffer. The stress of the latter basically sent me into a state where I didn’t take proper care of myself for a day or so, and the fallout gave me an episode of gallbladder attack.

My first goal for a while will, I think, be to manage myself better. I need to learn to relax/de-stress/etc more. Next goal will be figuring out how to manage my TIME. I don’t want to jinx that, but I am gonna quietly work on Boss Monster over the end of this month and not FORCE any timed updates, possibly.

But I would like, I think, with the weird HAZE of the last four days passing, take some extra art time to offer sketches as well to the people offering to help me on GiveForward. I don’t have time to do much more than a detailed sketch. But it feels so lazy and selfish and terrible just sitting here watching what everyone else is doing for me, and I really want to stop just sitting around.

It’s just frustrating when you get so overwhelmed at everything all the time, and don’t know how to begin.

I kind of am wondering about entering a second character into Miss OC but I also don’t know if I even really have time for the ONE I entered with how little time I already have for my comic.

What a tiring weekend. It’s at least going out towards a high note…and I think I am on my way to better news.

Also Robert Downey Jr Part 3 is a pretty good flick, and my Arnie-Roo is in a stable but sedated condition.

My Sticky Buddy has uh. Lost its stickiness???? Man. Back to winding my money up with old disposable lint rollers. I can at least still use it to brush my cat.

Real Life Whining

I am about to be on my third different pair of work pants when I get paid next. There’s a hole wearing further into place on the inner thigh on my current, second pair, and I outgrew (what is the opposite of this word? I am not working my brain very well) the first months ago. 8| It’s not really a point anyone can SEE that well, but it won’t stay tiny at this rate. A similar hole was poked into my work shirt, so THAT will be replaced.

All the same, knowing I am going to be at work in these clothes and feel hyper embarrassed and aware of the issue for at LEAST three days, if I have time to get pants Saturday morning with my check and at most FOUR more days if I don’t have the time…I hate that.

I hate that I am necessitated to blow money on clothes I hate the look of but have to wear for 40 hours a week.

I am trying to get a bit of art done in my free time today but one of the cats is acting super lonely and sweet and is crawling all over my chair aaaaah.

I’ve started taking Zzzquil/giving it another try. Maybe my anxiety is just way way down since the move, but it seems to be helping my sleep. I don’t take it EVERY night, just when I can’t get tired when I WANT to sleep.

Okay, so that Defiance game’s trailer on steam actually looks really cool. I don’t think my PC could handle it, though 8< I could probably get it for the Xbox but I feel kinda bad having that console as I only seem to play Gears with my roommates and I don’t know if anyone else would play Defiance with me.

Also I probably don’t have…time to get addicted to an MMO. HM.

B-bluh. I am too tired to keep on coloring, I need to sleep…but hopefully NEW BOSS MONSTER PAGE TOMORROW sometime before noon???? gwuh.